my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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