I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
