I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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