I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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