The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
