I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
People in love make me want to vomit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
