Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
