My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
