Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
