I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
