The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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