I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
