well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
