i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's official drugs can't kill me
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
