If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
