she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
