I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
