So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
