Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
