wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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