When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
