My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
