i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I had to cum in my sink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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