he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
