Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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