wrigley field is MILF paradise
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
