Is it normal to miss your booty call?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
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