She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
