i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
