its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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