having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
