sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
