He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
