Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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