Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
