ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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