you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
so much tequila, so little girl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
