I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
