Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
