I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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