So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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