You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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