just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i now understand why vodka
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
