just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I could fuck to npr.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
