there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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