Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
