from now on my penis is your penis
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
