Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
