I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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