yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
