Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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