A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
