Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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