i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
