blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
