paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
