I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
