seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
