From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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