She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
