I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
